History of DoitsuismEdit
While it is unclear how the Doitsu religion was founded, many believe it began when Grandpa Rome died for everyone's sins many years ago. Nothing is know about what happened to the religion between that time and now or why it had disappeared for so long, but the history is beginning to be uncovered with the discovery of the ruins of the Old Church of Doitsu.
Inside the church ruins, the Book of Doitsu was found and contains the unknown history of the Doitsu, written in the words of Germania. This book is currently being restored so that the text can be read by all who wish to study it by a team lead by Sister Coralsolstice, who found the book. What is now known comes from the finished pages and visions recieved by First Prophet Veneziano, who was the first to recieve Doitsu's message.
The New Church of Doitsu (or as it is called "Holy Church of Doitsu") was founded by High Priest Preußen and First Prophet Veneziano. The two founded the church after recieving Doitsu's message and becoming inspired to spread his teachings. They spread these teachings to inspire the good and shine in people and give awareness of the evil Anti-Doitsu.
Anti-Doitsu is considered the "devil" of the Doitsuist religion. The Anti-Doitsu has the ability to remove people's shines and appears to look like exactly like Doitsu. This is how he confuses the Doitsuists into thinking he is their Doitsu and removing their shine. The biggest difference in appearance is that he is the inverted colors of Doitsu. Some believe that he brought about the downfall of the Old Church in the olden days. There is also some mention of a man named David Karp, but it is unclear of what his role in the downfall of the Old Church was.
Ceremonies, Holidays, and Sacred ItemsEdit
The three most sacred items of the Doitsu religion are the potato, wurst, and beer, which form the "Holy Trinity" of the Doitsu religion. They are commonly used in ceremonies of all kinds. For bapistism into Doitsuism, one takes an oath to "honor thy Nation and to shine bright like a Doitsu" with one hand held up and the other over one's heart. Once the person takes the oath, holy beer is dabbed onto their forehead by High Priest Preußen. Other ceremonies include: German Sparkle Parties on Fridays, in which one dances to the finest dubstep and drinks holy beer from beer boots, and sacrifical ceremonies in which one offers any of the holy items to the "Lord Doitsu" in hopes of achieving happiness, love, luck, or greater shine. The only traditional clothing of the Doitsuists is a horse mask headdress in honor of Germania, and Party Pants and Rubber Boots for traditional German Sparkle Parties. The sacred hymm of the church that is sung often by its members is "Shine Bright like a Doitsu."
Laws of DoitsuismEdit
There are three laws that all Doitsuists must abide by. These laws are:
- "Shine bright like a Doitsu."
- "Never hesitate to help someone else shine bright for you must spread the Doitsu."
- "The D stands for the Doitsu. Want it."
Rules of DoitsuismEdit
The Rules of Doitsuism are constantly growing. These are the rules that have been recovered from the book so far:
- "These motherfuckers ain’t shit compared to you."
- "One for Doitsu, Doitsu for all."
- "German Sparkle Parties are an obligation on Friday, as they are a ceremony to celebrate his Holy Potatoness. These parties shall be open for any and all and everyone shall drink in honor of the Doitsu from the ceremonial Beer Boots And dance to only the finest dubstep"
- "Make pasta, not war. Unless you’d rather eat war in which case go ahead and make some war; you are a strong independent Doitsu"
- "The potato is a holy object our Savior Doitsu left for us so that we may eat and grow MACHO as He is. Let His followers enjoy and partake of all forms of the potato"
- "What you are on the outside does not matter. It is what you have inside that counts. Never forget your inner Doitsu."
- "Those who offer you the unholy scones only seek to lead you down the path of sin. Do not listen to these sinners, those who follow the voice of the Eyebrowed-One. If they try to give you a scone you should promptly remind them of Sherlock’s failed attempt at parkour."
- "Dogs are to be respected. Actually, any animal is to be respected, no matter what they are. This includes politicians."
- "The proper response to enemy infiltration? Show them how bright your Doitsu shines. If that fails, crush them."
- "Grandpa Rome died for your sins"
- "Do or do not. There is only Doitsu"
- "BEER, WURST, and POTATO form the HOLY TRINITY."
- "All roads lead to Doitsu"
- "Do not force the ideals of your faction of ships upon others All ships are seen and recognized within the Shine of the Doitsu. Just because you do not like something does not mean it is okay to mock others for it"
- "The HORSE MASK is a traditional headdress Not necessary in some sects of Doitsuism But a callback to the old days when the brave Germania first tamed the wild horse with his bare hands and a good lager."
- "The Doitsu comes in many forms to different fandoms.Although our Doitsu is in his familiar muscly delicious form to the Hetalians…. To Homestucks, he is ANDREW HUSSIE, giver of LIFE and DEATH. To the Avatar and Korra fans, he is THE NEXT AVATAR, ready to BRING PEACE to the WORLD. To the Sherlockians he is LESTRADE, because THIS is NOT HIS DIVISION. And to the Harry Potter fans, he is DUMBLEDORE, because of LOGIC and WISDOM. To the MLP fans? CELESTIA, because CELESTIA’S A FREAKING TROLL. The point is that every fandom is worshiping the Doitsu in their own way— so don’t mock or degrade others for enjoying their fandom sect."
- "Treat your assigned Homestuck with respect and companionship, for they shall return these affections to you. They are like the Good Samaritans of Doitsu: not part of the religion, but particularly good folk."
- "The human body emits light, (electromagnetic radiation) that travels all the way to outer space and is eternal and everlasting. Around 4 pm every day, it is the DOITSU HOUR, for that is when we are visibly the brightest all day."
- "At 4 PM, all followers of the religion of Doitsuism hail Lord Doitsu. That means doing push-ups with a potato on your back in honor of our savior"
- Doitsu will always return.
Sacred and Most Notible FiguresEdit
- Lord Doitsu
- High Priest Preußen
- High Priestess Coral
- First Prophet Veneziano
- Tech Wizard Jones
- Saint Iggy of Literature and Failed Cooking
- Saint Francia of Romance
- Saint Yao, Patron of Business
- Saint Vanya, Patron of Memory
- Saint Canada of Animals
- The Wanderer, Honda the Wise
- Grandpa Rome
The Rise and Fall of DoitsuEditDoitsu fell, for he was smited by Anti-Doitsuists who tried to steal his light.
After 13 days Doitsu rose again.
(See rule 20 of Doitsuism)