History of DoitsuismEdit
While it is unclear how the Doitsu religion was founded, many believe it began when Grandpa Rome died for everyone's sins many years ago. Nothing is known about what happened to the religion between that time and now or why it had disappeared for so long, but the history is beginning to be uncovered with the discovery of the ruins of the Old Church of Doitsu. Some people (namely people with butthurt and people who can't take a joke) will call Doitsuism offensive, and the worshippers "weeaboos" or "retards". But you must always remember that you chose to shine with Doitsu, and the other motherfuckers cannot stop you.
The New Church of Doitsu (or as it is called "Holy Church of Doitsu") was founded by High Priest Preußen and First Prophet Veneziano. The two founded the church after recieving Doitsu's message and becoming inspired to spread his teachings. They spread these teachings to inspire the good and shine in people and give awareness of the evil Anti-Doitsu.
Anti-Doitsu is considered the "devil" of the Doitsuist religion. The Anti-Doitsu has the ability to remove people's shines and appears to look exactly like Doitsu. This is how he confuses the Doitsuists into thinking he is their Doitsu and removing their shine. The biggest difference in appearance is that he is the inverted colors of Doitsu. Some believe that he brought about the downfall of the Old Church in the olden days. There is also some mention of a man named David Karp, but it is unclear of what his role in the downfall of the Old Church was.
Doitsuism is known for it's magnificent German Sparkle Parties of which consist of drinking lots of beer and consuming many wursts. "I like German Sparkle Parties." Is commonly used amongst doitsuists.
Ceremonies, Holidays, and Sacred ItemsEdit
The three most sacred items of the Doitsu religion are the potato, wurst, and beer, which form the "Holy Trinity" of the Doitsu religion. They are commonly used in ceremonies of all kinds. For baptism into Doitsuism, one takes an oath to "honor thy Nation and to shine bright like a Doitsu" with one hand held up and the other over one's heart. Once the person takes the oath, holy beer is dabbed onto their forehead by High Priest Preußen. Other ceremonies include: German Sparkle Parties on Fridays, in which one dances to the finest dubstep and drinks holy beer from beer boots, and sacrifical ceremonies in which one offers any of the holy items to the "Lord Doitsu" in hopes of achieving happiness, love, luck, or greater shine. The only traditional clothing of the Doitsuists is a horse mask headdress in honor of Germania, and Party Pants and Rubber Boots for traditional German Sparkle Parties. The sacred hymn of the church that is sung often by its members is "Shine Bright like a Doitsu."
Laws of DoitsuismEdit
There are three laws that all Doitsuists must abide by. These laws are:
- "Shine bright like a Doitsu."
- "Never hesitate to help someone else shine bright for you must spread the Doitsu."
- "The D stands for the Doitsu. Want it."
Rules of DoitsuismEdit
The Rules of Doitsuism are constantly growing. Most of the rules are recorded in the book of Doitsuism while others are only spread and kept alive through the sheer power of the words of the Doitsuists (with the help of reblogs).
You can now find these rules here
Sacred and Most Notable FiguresEdit
- Lord Doitsu
- High Priest Preußen
- Sister Coral
- First Prophet Veneziano
- Saint Doitsa, Patron of Beauty, Creator of Wikis
- Saint Iggy, Patron of Literature and Failed Cooking
- Saint Francis, Patron of Romance
- Saint Yao, Patron of Business
- Saint Vanya, Patron of Memory
- Saint Matthew, Patron of Flora and Fauna
- Saint Alfred, Patron of Enthusiasm and Scientific Endeavor
- The Wanderer, Honda the Wise
- Grandpa Rome, the Womanizer
- Germania, Care taker of the Womanizer
- Mother Eliza
Doitsu Comes to Earth Edit
As according to the ancient prophecies, Doitsu came to Earth as Holy Roman Empire, birthed from virgin mother Elizabeta after she broke up with her boyfriend *Roderich. Elizabeta (also known as Mother Eliza) is sometimes called the patron saint of frying pans. When HRE was born, he shone so bright that only true believers could look at him. People saw the shine go up like a beam in the sky. When Holy Roman Empire got older, he met Preußen, Sister Coral, Veneziano, Doitsa, Iggy, Francis, Yao, Vanya, Matthew, Alfred, Honda, Grandpa Rome, and Germania.
*Roderich was an Anti-Doitsuist
The Rise and Fall of DoitsuEditDoitsu fell, for he was smited by Anti-Doitsuists, such as Roderich, who tried to steal his light.
After 13 days, one for each follower, Doitsu rose again.
(See rule 20 of Doitsuism)