The Rules of Doitsuism are constantly growing. Most of the rules are recorded in The Book of Doitsuism while others are only brought into existence and kept alive through the sheer power of voice (and with the help of reblogs).
Translations by Sister Coral:
[Note: the translation by Sister Coral of these rules may differ (grammar wise, structure wise, etc.) from the translations of other translators]
"Do unto others as you view you should.
You're Doitsu, bitch.
These Motherfuckers ain't shit compared to you."
Train more often."
"German Sparkle Parties are an obligation on Friday, as they are a ceremony to celebrate His Holy Potatoness.
These parties shall be open for any and all, and everyone shall drink in honor of the Doitsu from the ceremonial Beer Boots.
"Make pasta, not war.
Unless you’d rather eat war, in which case go ahead."
"The potato is a holy object our Savior Doitsu left for us so that we may eat and grow MACHO as He is.
Let His followers enjoy and partake of all forms of the potato."
"Those who offer you the unholy scones only seek to lead you down the path of sin.
Do not listen to these sinners, those who follow the voice of the Eyebrowed One."
"Silence is golden, and so are potatoes."
"Dogs are to be respected.
Actually, any animal is to be respected, no matter what they are.
This includes politicians."
"The proper response to enemy infiltration?
If that fails, crush them. Show them how bright your Doitsu shines."
"All roads lead to Doitsu."
Just because you do not like something does not mean it is okay to mock others for it."
But a callback to the old days when the brave Germania first tamed the wild horse with his bare hands and a good lager."
Not part of the religion, but particularly good folk."
"The rate of exchange is for every five Deutsche marks, you must trade five cats, especially if doing business at the Arby's weekly market! And now, the weather."
"Thou shall not discriminate against tomatoes. They may be different, but Doitsu created everybody equal."
"Always carry around an emergency suitcase for wurst case scenarios"
"All for Doitsu, Doitsu for all."
"What you are on the outside does not matter. It is what you have inside that counts. Never forge it upon others.'
"The human body emits light, (electromagnetic radiation) that travels all the way to outer space and is eternal and everlasting. Around 4 pm every day, it is the DOITSU HOUR, for that is when we are visibly the brightest all day."
"At 4 PM, all followers of the religion of Doitsuism hail Lord Doitsu. That means doing push-ups with a potato on your back in honor of our savior."
"Doitsu will always return."
"Potatoes are to be feared and respected, for they are Messengers of our Holy Lord Doitsu."